Escapism

Escapism

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately.  It’s never been a subject I’ve dwelt on much before.  And, in fact, I scarcely knew what it really meant.  Yes, I had a vague inclination; I used my context clues and my critical thinking skills.  I majored not in History and minored not in English for nothing.

And why? Why has it been something that I knew of but did not know of?  That, I’m afraid, is the easy part.  I’ve never needed it.  There’s always been something going on in my life.  Seventeen years of schooling does that to you.  Even amidst of the hardships I’ve endured–especially over the last few years–I’ve always had something to keep me busy.  Most often it was school, but occasionally it was a semi-regular job, friend–the few I keep, that is–or even something as simple as the constant struggle of trying to perfect a story I had written.

But now, my life is left hanging.  I’m 22 years old, I have a college degree, a teaching license that allows me three different subject areas, and no means of my own income.  I have nothing that I can really call my own.  The few dollars that I earn in tutoring and babysitting is not enough for apartment rent.  My car is still in my father’s name.  My parents feed me.  Try as I might, I cannot find a job–full time or otherwise.  I feel like a parasite, a leech.

I do not write this to complain.  I do not write this to feel sorry for myself.  I have it lucky, and I know that.  My parents are gracious and loving, I could not ask for better.  I write this because, despite of my parents deep gratitude, I still feel like a burden.  In college I tasted independence, and I do not have that now.  I know that I am young with my whole life at my feet, and I so wish I could enjoy this time more.  I am trying to enjoy it.  Between looking for jobs, I try to think of ways I can take advantage of this new found and short lived (hopefully) freedom.  But it comes back to this: I have not the means.

If I had the means, I would travel everywhere from Alaska, to Disney World, to Germany.   I have missed Hawai’i since last summer; I was truly happy on her beaches and in her sunlight. I have the strong desire to see London again, and to relish it as I could not in my short 3 days there this Spring.  I would be giddy for a return to Italy.  To see Florence and Naples and Venice.  And oh, for Ireland.  My heart aches for those hills of Green.  For the bustling streets of Dublin.  Could it be only four months since I last saw them?  Since I sat in St. Stephen’s Green on the anniversary of one of my darkest days, only to feel love for a place I barely knew?

If I had the means,  I would experience history in a way I haven’t before.  I would see places where great, and terrible, things have happened.  I would soak in the importance of the events that changed the course of human events in this country.   How much better could I teach history when I have been to these places and seen these things?  When I have put myself in the places of those who lived them?

If I had the means, I would be in Boone for the Fall.  It is the best time of year in the Mountains.  The beauty.  The brisk air.  I love it.  I miss it.

If I had the means, I would be with my friends.  Those I left when I graduated.  Those who touched my life more than any other people I have ever known.

But alas, I have not the means.  And so, I turn to Escapism.

First, I find myself engrossed in early British history.  I have always, always loved studying Tudor history (Henry VIII, Queen Elizabeth).  Now, my favorite author, Phillipa Greggory, has released a new book about the history of the Plantagenets–the line of British Kings before the Tudors.  I find myself engrossed and overly interested in this new era that I have studied so little.  It gives me a new way of looking at a time I thought I understood.  The historian in me is ravenous.

Secondly, I have rediscovered Sherlock Holmes.  My senior year in high school I devoured all of the Sherlock Holmes stories: 4 novels and 60-0dd short stories.  For my birthday, I received the 1980’s Granada television series of Sherlock Holmes on DVD.  They are brilliant.  I am devouring them much as I did the originals.  And of course, my obsession doesn’t stop there.  I find free audio books for my ipod.  I bought a PC video game.  I am reading up on Conan Doyle’s life and the life of the fictional detective.  I imagine he was a real man.  I wish he was a real man.  I admire him from fiction.  I admire his era and once again wish that I had lived in Victorian England.  I escape into Sherlock Holmes.

Thirdly, I find solace in comedy.  Espcially one tv show in particular: Psych.  For one hour each Friday I am able to laugh at complete hilarity.  The episodes are a combination of pop culture, nonsense, and brilliance. I forget my troubles and my issues for this hour each week.  I am not me, but an observer.  It is a wonderful hour.

And so, I am discovering Escapism.  In this world where I am finding it hard to make things more forward and go right, I am finding worlds where I don’t have to be me.  I don’t have to stress and I don’t have to worry.   It is nice.  But what would be nicer?

Escaping Escapism.

 

One year

Tomorrow is a very important and very sad day for my family.  Tomorrow marks one year since Jordyn went to be with the Lord.  It feels like just yesterday since she was with us, and yet it feels like decades ago.   So much has happened to us since then, and I hardly know where I stand. We have another little one in the family, Mike & Lisa’s Bridget, and little Jacob Daniel who is almost here.  There are some days when I still can’t keep from holding back the tears and there are some days when Jordyn feels so close to me that it’s almost like she’s here.  I can still hear her calling me, “Da-becca.” And watching Cinderella III with her snuggled against me.  And picking “a-torns.” And holding her just after she had been born in the hospital: the first of my baby cousins.  And wanting me to play with her and holding her sweet little hand when I took her to the movies.  And laughing at Faith’s first birthday when Cindy stuffed chocolate on my face.  And her ever joyful last Christmas. There is a part of me that still questions, still wonders if something could have been different, but biggest part of me has moved closed to what I might term as acceptance.   Not acceptance of her death, but of God’s greatness.  I was so fortunate to have a wonderful church family who supported me throughout everything and afterwards, who helped me realize that it wasn’t a vindictive god who took her, but a loving God who cares for her.   Jordyn already has a headstart spending the rest of eternity worshiping God, and I’ll be with her again one day.   Jordyn doesn’t long to be back on Earth, so why should we long for her to be.  That doesn’t make it any easier, but I continue to have hope in Christ who redeems me.
I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

~Psalm 34

 

Here, There, and Everywhere!

Ok, so obviously, I am a bit behind.  I first of all ask that all of my faithful readers forgive me!  The last two weeks have almost been non-stop going and even on days when I didn’t do much, I was exhausted!!  So here we are, friends, the recap of my journeys here, there, and everywhere!

I started out my Easter Holiday by traveling with my host family for three days in London! Ok, can I just say, I love England.  The people are a little bit pompous and arrogant, but let’s face it, you would be too if your country owned most of the world at one point.  I would imagine that it’s a little hard to let that go.  We flew in and go there by the afternoon, where  we bought our Tube (Underground, Subway, whichever you prefer) and did the normal touristy stuff that I have grown to know and love so very much.   I got to see Buckingham Palace, which honestly was not quite what I had expected, but whatever.  We don’t have a queen, so that was cool if nothing else.  The next day I knew I wanted to do something historical, let’s face it, that’s what I love.  I decided that I wanted to go to the Tower of London, which is not, as some might think, an actual tower.  It is a fortress dating from the Norman period of English history with the White Tower, a castle built by William the Conqueror.   The part I was intrigued with, was the Tudor history of the Tower, with which it is steeped.  I knew I was going to enjoy it, but I didn’t realize how much.  I’m glad I went there alone because it was a time of pure joy for me.  I’m not even kidding, I loved it so much I was close to tears.  It wasn’t just the pure history of the Tower that I loved, but they had an exhibit in the White Tower of, get this, armour of Henry VIII–anyone who knows me, knows that this is my thing.  I was one pane of glass away from something that Henry VIII wore…..I can’t even express how cool that was.  I’m missing it now just thinking about it.   That night, we went to see Wicked on the West End.  Did I mention I love Wicked? Although, I must say, I compared the actor playing Fieryo to Sebastian Arcelus, the actor I saw here on Broadway and whom I love.  Needless to say, though, it was great.  I miss London now just writing about it.

I got back to Ireland on Wednesday night, knowing I had all of one day to rest before I left again on another PaddyWagon Tour to the south-west of Ireland.  I hung out with Rachel in Dublin that day and got to listen to my first live Irish music in a pub…very cool.

Friday morning, me being me, I lost my sense of direction and almost couldn’t find the PaddyWagon Palace (yes, that is a real name).  I was worried how going on this trip alone was going to affect me, but everything turn out great…God was SO looking out for me! On the bus, I sat next to a brother and sister from South Africa, and between the three of us, we eventually gathered a group of six people that stuck together throughout the trip: 3 from S. Africa, 1 girl from Australia, 1 girl from L.A., and me.  It was so amazing.  We stayed at a hostel in Galway Friday night which was a lot nicer than I had expected.  Unfortunately, because it was Good Friday, most of Galway was shut down, but it was a beautiful city!  Everything in the south is beautiful! I couldn’t get over the contrast between the incredible greenness of everything + the blueness of the sky (the weather was AMAZING!) + the feeling that I had gone back into the 19th century.   It was so much different than Dublin, I can’t even express. Our tour guide/bus driver was a guy named Gabriel.  He had a mouth on him, but he was hilarious.  We all made friends with him, and when we got to the Dingle Peninsula, he gave four of us the opportunity to stay at a B&B because the hostel was full.  Awesome! Some amazing attractions I saw from this trip: The Cliffs of Moher, Ancient Monastery at Clonmacnoise, The Roman Catholic Cathedral of Our Lady Assumed into Heaven and St. Nicholas (that’s a mouthful, it’s also known as the Galway Cathedral), the Guinness Storehouse, Blarney Castle.  Yes, that’s right folks, I kissed the Blarney Stone and received the gift of gab (eloquence, Winston Churchill kissed the Blarney Stone, so maybe there’s something to it) which should be helpful to me in job interviews, haha! The trip was awesome.  I met some great people and saw some great things.  So much was crammed into just three days, that I’m still blown away by it all.

Whew!  And that was only one week!  I got home late Sunday night with the decision that my second week of Easter was going to be devoted to seeing as much of Dublin as I possibly could.  I felt I got a crack at somethings, but there is no way I got even close to scratching the surface of all that I want to do.   One of the first things I did was went to see the Book of Kells (an ancient illuminated manuscript)–worth a trip to Ireland just to do that! I went to the National Library, the Writer’s Museum (all Dublin authors), and the Museum of Archeology.  I took a bus tour taking me around the city and showing me all of the main sights.  This is probably the most touristy thing EVER but it was worth it.  I learned a lot and went on a day where it was shockingly sunny and fairly warm (for Ireland that is, probably about 52 degrees at the highest) and I sat on the open top of the bus and got to see everything.  I met Kathleen’s new fiancee and went out to dinner with them.  And of course, I went shopping.  There are some really cool stores in Dublin and I’m finding some neat things.  I’m also very surprised at myself, as I am starting to be able to find my way around the city without whipping my map out at the slightest wind change.  This is mostly because I’ve been forced to.  I’ve been going into the city alone, so I can’t depend on someone else to read the map for me.  It’s nice.  However, NOTHING is open late here.  Most coffee shops and sandwich bars are closed by 5:00 or 6:00.  Seriously, when I was coming home from town I just wanted to grab a latte to take with me on the DART, and the six coffee shops I passed on the way there were closed up.  That was frustrating.

Thursday of this week was super awesome.  I took a bus tour out to Newgrange, about 45 minutes north of Dublin.  This is the site of an ancient burial tomb, known as a passage tomb.  It is a Stone Age tomb, older than Stonehedge by 500 years and the pyramids of Egypt by 1000 years.  Holy crap it was cool.  There were about 25 of in this tight little chamber door and the tour guide was explaining all of the technicalities of the tomb: how it was designed perfectly alligned with the sun on the Winter Solstice and how every year at dawn on that day, the passage of the tomb fills with light and illuminates the ancient carved spirals on the walls.  This tour also took me to the site of the Battle of the Boyne, one of the most important battles in Irish history; the Hill of Tara, site of of the ancient capital of Ireland; and through the town of Slane, where St. Patrick did…something or other, haha I can’t remember this one exactaly.  When I got back into Dublin that night, I wandered around for a while searching for a sandwich bar (not kidding, everything was shut down) and then, I went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral.  Ok, so if my nerd side hasn’t shown yet, get ready for this: I went to a gothic organ concert and readings from Dracula. Oh my gosh, guys, not kidding this was awesome.  The setting, a Medieval Cathedral, was perfect.  It was creepy, haunting, and chilling all at the same time.  I loved it.

Today, I went to church for the first time in Ireland.  I went with my family to a Church of Ireland.  It is amazing to me how different it was than an evangelical church like the one I go to back home is.  More structured, but no less worshipful.

Wow, that’s a ton of writing! I hope I didn’t bore y’all too much, I’ll try to stay more on top of it in the coming 17 days…cause that’s all I have left! How sad! God has really granted me a great trip and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’m back to school tomorrow and teaching to 2nd, 3rd, and 4th class (8-10 year olds)…….that should be interesting, I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

While I’ve Still Got The Time to Have Them

Supposedly, I’m going to find out tomorrow sometime about Ireland.  While I still have time to be seperated from it, I wanted to flesh out my final thoughts until I get jumbled and confused with the final answers.

I am scared out of my mind.

I know, that’s a great way to start, huh?  I just want this so badly and I’m so afraid of what the answer will be.  Ok, that doesn’t make that much sense, or at least not the sense I wanted it to make.  Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared because I know that whatever happens will be what God wants for me and I’m afraid that what I want may not be what God wants.  If I don’t get it I know that I will have to accept that God didn’t want me to get it and it will be what is best for me, but that is not going to stop me from being very disappointed.  The fact that I didn’t win that paper contest doesn’t help…I’ve already set myself up to be disappointed.  I know that’s stupid, but I can’t help it.  I guess I feel that if I set myself up to expect something and it doesn’t happen, I’ll be more upset about it rather than if I set myself up to expect it NOT to happen.  How twisted is that?  Part of me sees it as realistic, part of me sees it as insane.  Either way, the point is, I’m not as convinced as some people are that I am a sure-thing to get this and that scares me to death. 

There’s another thing that scares me about this. It’s something that I’m not sure has actually hit me yet, even though I do get it on some level.  If this thing pans out and I get accepted, I am going to be living five weeks in another country………….wow.  I mean, my cousins have both done it; I’ve got great examples of how awesome it can be, but can I really do something like that.  It will certianly be out of my acceptable comfort zone…heck, going to college three hours from home was out of my comfort zone.  The day my parents left me at my dorm, I begged them to take me back home and not make me stay here.  Then again, as soon as they were gone, I was fine and fell in love with school.  What I’m trying to say is, I know I can handle it, but the thought of it right now is so frightening.  True, it’s not like I’m living somewhere where I don’t know the language (we can thank the English and their ancient pennal laws for that) but I’ll be living with someone who possibly won’t share my views or values; I’ll be expected to teach teenagers who have a completely different way of schooling than I am familar with, and I will know not a soul. 

Of course this brings up a completely different kind of fear: the actual student teaching part.  I’m not going to Ireland just for a five week joy trip; I’m going to have a job to do.  In order to even make it that far, I have to be awesome during my stateside student teaching.  What if I have a horrible co-op teacher?  What if I get into the high schools and just fail?  What if…….what ifs are pointless, I know that, but it is still a concern I’ve got, and an honest concern.  I am going have to work my tail off for 10 weeks even after I’ve got everything settled to go (assuming again that I get accepted).  That just won’t be easy or fun.

There’s one final thought I’ve got to consider: what does this mean for the relationships I am developing here? Ok yeah, it’s only five weeks…but a lot can happen in a month. True it’s not like I’ve got really any kind of commitments here during that time, but I’m afraid to even get to that point.  This goes not really just for Ireland, but for school in general.  In less than three months time, I am moving back home to Raleigh for good.  I will be leaving App and all of my friends here, possibly for the last time. I have plans for how I want my life to go following that time. I will not be coming back up to this area ever, except for short-term visits.  I love the mountains, but I can’t liver here long-term.  I want to teach in Raleigh, maybe eventually go to Charleston for grad school, maybe somewhere else, but probably not back up here.  I am trying to be realistic.  I love my friends here and I hope to always, always be contact with many of them, but honestly, once December rolls around there are going to be a lot of people I lose connections with.  Maybe this is why God has not allowed me to devlop a romantic realtionship with anyone up here, because He knows it can’t work.  And what happens if I go to Ireland and develop friendships there?  That’s going to be hard.  I know I can’t build myself up as a stonewall and be cold, but at the same time, I hate saying good-bye.  I won’t be easy. 

Let’s face it, nothing about this is going to be easy.  In fact, reading over this, part of me wonders if I’m insane. But in the end, this is what it boils down to: I love Ireland. I want to be there. Part of me almost feels like I need this.  I am scared out of my mind, but I know I still want this.  I’m still seeking for my place in this world and I am waiting and asking for God to direct me to where He wants me to be.  I hope that this includes Ireland, but if it doesn’t, I’ll learn to understand why.  Wherever I roam, be it Dublin or just back to Raleigh, I know that the Lord will be with me and I will find what I am seeking.

 

People that Make Me the Happiest

There are a certian few people in this world that just make me so happy to be with them and be around them.  I am going to make this post a tribute to my most favorite of those people.

My Mom: Also the person that makes me the most infuriated, but without that she wouldn’t be my mom.  I can call her anytime (although she doesn’t like it after 9:30 !!) and talk to her about pretty much everything.

My Dad: Cliche to do family first? Probably, but it’s the truth.  I’m a Daddy’s Girl and my dad, with his stupid poems that he makes up or the butchering of beach music (jk, dad) he can always make me laugh and smile.  Plus, he still lets me sit on his lap like I’m 2, instead of 21, and that’s just awesome

My Granny: I love my granny so much, probably because I’m just like her (scary!!! lol) She has raised me to love Tennessee, The Wizard of Oz, and Christmas.  She also gives the best hugs.

My Sweet Little Cousins: I love being the older cousin, and when most of your cousins are younger than 4, you have the most fun time being “the oldest”.  I love my angels so much and love to see their faces light up for me.  You learn the most from little kids, thats for sure.

Catherine: My older cousin.  She’s been like a sister to me for pretty much ever.  We always have fun at our sleepovers (which we still have even tho I’m 21 and she’s 27) and just hanging out and talking. She’s precious, cute, beautiful inside and out, and the most amazing person basically ever.  I love her to death.

The Rest of My Family: The most unique thing about my family is that we are so close to so much of our immediate and extended family.  I LOVE being around family and really dont have the time or place to list everyone, between my brother, other cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, 2nd cousins, 2nd cousins once removed…..the list gets long! The point is, I love them all sooooooooo much  and I love being with them.

Meredith: My best friend from the playpin.  We haven’t lived in the same state since the 5th grade, but see each other as often as we can.  Everytime we hang out, its like no time has passed at all, and that is the best feeling. I love her so much and miss her like crazy!!!

Katherine: My other best friend from the ages of 8-7.  We can talk literature, philosophy, music, history, and boys! We have so many of the same interests and even though she goes to school forever away, we hang out back home as much as we can and can giggle like little girls when we get in the right mood. 

Aimee: My best friend from high school.  Maybe she makes me happy just because of her jeep, lol, jk Aims.  She is so much fun to hang out with!! Even though she scared the crap out of me first time I met her we’ve become very close and I love her to pieces.

Rooms (AKA Juile): My current roommate.  Let me jus say, she makes me feel better about my blondeness, lol. Best roommate I’ve had in college.  Between our Samantha Who? nights or our “domestic” dinner nights, we have a ball.

Kathy: All I can say is: Friends & Laughter – that defines our relationship

Kristen: I love hanging out with this girl.  We have the exact same movie choices.  it’s even better because she can read my mind

My name twin: A Rebecca I met Freshman year with my same first and last name.  She’s awesome because we don’t have to talk to hang out, silence is cool.  But when we start playing Broadway music…watch out!

Kollin: Oh Kollin. You make me feel better about myself.  You’re a great kid.  I can joke around with him and as sarcastic as all get out, but still lean on his shoulder if I’m having a bad day.  What would I do without him?

Kenzie: Disney freak? Only slightly.  Sprinkle Parties? OOOOOOOOOH YEAH!

Wyatt: One of my best friends from high school. I don’t get to see him as much as I used to, but he’s always been there for me, whether I’m wrecking my car (yikes!) or going to Prom (most awesome Prom date ever!). He always knows the right thing to say and gives awesome hugs. Oh and his parents are pretty rockin too; they almost deserve their own category.

My Church Family: All of the amazing people in my college class up here in school.  They welcomed me from my first Sunday, and I’ve been at home ever since.  I love these people so much and look foward to seeing them every week. 

Oh wow, this list is so much longer than I intended.  There are so many other people I wish I could put on here, but I don’t have the space.  Just know that I love all of my friends so much and would be so lost without you guys.  Thanks for making me who I am today and loving me anyway.

 

How His kindness yet pursues me, mortal tongue can never tell

I started this blog for two specific reasons. 1) Was to use it as an outlet to talk about my application process for Ireland, and eventually, hopefully, about my feelings about going once I’m accepted…if I’m accepted.  2) Was to use it as a place to talk about what it means to be “seeking”, hopefully pointing to the fact I believe that Christ is the only solution.   I feel like I have gotten away from those two goals by this point.  Now, granted, I’m not very far along in the Ireland application – I haven’t even turned it in yet.  And of course there turn out to be other things that I just want to talk about that have no relation to one this or the other, but I feel that goal #2 is very important, and I need to get back to it, by talking a bit about where I am now.

Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God

Seeking. It’s such a loaded term really, for one that is so simple.  Praise Jesus that I have found Him, or more importantly that He has found me.  Because that’s really what the Bible says.  God sought US out.  He has given us the choice to come to Him, but His desire is that all mankind would. He reveals Himself to us in so many ways.  God Seeks Us.  I cannot get over that.  It is such a powerful thing. Jesus tells a parable about a Shepperd who goes out to seek for one lost sheep, leaving the other 99 sheep behind.  The Lord is my Shepperd. He sought me out.  He cared for me enough to look for me alone.  And He found me! Hallelujah, what a Savior.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love;

So herein lies the essential question: if the God who created the Universe (I know I use this phrase a lot, but having taken Astronomy courses, it is something that is hard for me to fathom.  I am so small and insignificant compared to the majesty of what the Lord created and yet He still cares) sought me out above all others…why do I continue to wander away from Him?  It happens too often for me to even care to think about.  I lose focus on what it means to be a Christian.  I don’t share the Amazing News of Christ Jesus with those who don’t know, I depend on myself more than I depend on Him, I don’t always come to Him in bad times or good, I lose faith, I doubt, I despair.  I allow Satan too often to lie to me, letting me believe that I am not good enough, that I am not loved.  But here’s the kicker – why should it matter if I’m unloved by any human on earth (true or otherwise) – I AM LOVED BY GOD! Can I just repeat that? I, REBECCA, AM LOVED BY GOD I don’t have to do anything to earn that love from Him, because He sought me.  He loved me before I was.  From His laying the foundations of the earth, He knew me and loved me.  But I forget this, I forget that He seeks me, and I forget to seek Him. 

He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.

He sought me and he bought me.  Jesus died for me and my sins, they He nailed them to the cross and I bear them no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Oh My Soul!!!! I know I’m quoting a lot of hymns here, but next to scripture, I find that they speak the most truth about what is in my heart.  This is the true heart of the Gospel.  We have to do nothing for His saving grace, but accept it.  That is what it is called grace.  We do not deserve it, but He has given us this gift to accept.  And by accepting it, I have chosen to follow Him, it is not the easy life – but it is worth it. 

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace

I have had hard times, my family has experienced what no family should and we still deal with this every single day.  But God has given me blessings too – I have parents who have raised me to make wise decisions and to follow the Lord, and most importantly support whatever I do.  I have a brother whom I love.  I have family connections with “distant” relatives that is closer than most.  I have friends who I know that I can count on.  I am stable.  God has given me so much, and I take so much for granted. These joys should be reminders to me that God has sought me and wants to bless me.  I so often forget this, but that is a sin I confess, but he forgave me for that sin before I even commited it.  When I gave my heart to Him, every sin I had committed in the past and that I would commit in the future was laid on the shoulders of Christ – Let that grace now like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.

 

When You’re the Best of Friends

Tomorrow, I’m flying down to Atlanta to see the girl who has been my very best friend since we were little.  Need proof?

 

Aren’t we precious?

She moved first to IL and then to Alabama at the end of 5th grade, but we’ve continued our friendship ever since and it is just as strong as ever, which I know is a rare and special occurance.  I only get to see her once a year at the very most, sometimes it goes for two years before we see each other.  All I know is, I am so blessed to have her in my life and I am so excited to be with her as we celebrate our 21st birthdays together – the first birthday we’ve gotten to celebrate together since she moved (I think 11th, maybe 12th?)  (Oh I should say also, her birthday is 8/5 and mine is 8/16, she’s my 11 day-older-red-headed-twin) Last time I saw her, we went to NYC together with my aunt last May, so its just over that year mark and I haven’t been down to visit her since middle school, she usually comes up to me.

Anyway, I’m bursting with excitment and I just can’t wait to see her!!!